By Arsalan Iftikhar
Date Posted: December 7, 2007
While I was making the global network-television rounds during the Danish cartoon controversy a few years ago, it dawned on me that our human collective was going to continue having international crises every time some backward Muslim knucklehead irrationally reacted to global events somewhere.
Having been asked to explain virtually every kooky action performed by some criminal Muslims worldwide, I saw a new chapter added to the legacy of this sad phenomenon in recent weeks. This time, it was a story about a little teddy bear named Muhammad that lived in the deserts of the African nation of Sudan.
This teddy bear had a friend named Gillian Gibbons. Gillian is a British citizen who was kind enough to travel to Sudan to teach some of its schoolchildren. One fine September day, Gibbons brought her favorite teddy bear to her classroom and asked her 7-year-old students to vote on a name for it as part of the class’ study of animals and their habitats.
The children overwhelmingly voted to call the teddy bear “Muhammad”–after one of their classmates and also because it is one of the most popular names in the world. In Great Britain, for example, “Muhammad” now is second only to “Jack” as the most popular name for baby boys. Some news reports suggest that it could rise to No. 1 by next year.
And of course, “Muhammad” is the most revered name for anyone born into the religion of Islam.
This is where the story turns tragically silly. For reasons still puzzling to most Muslims, Gibbons was arrested and initially charged under Sudan’s blasphemy laws, accused of somehow slandering Islam because her class named the teddy bear “Muhammad.”
When the story made international headlines, the collective jaws of the world’s Muslims dropped to the floor. According to the absurd logic of the Sudan officials who charged her, every Muslim woman who names her child “Muhammad” (we’re talking millions) also should be charged with a crime. Perhaps we should charge Cassius Clay with a crime because he changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
Nevertheless, Gibbons was convicted and sentenced to 15 days in jail.
As an international human-rights lawyer, I believe that the Sudanese actions were ridiculous. From an international legal perspective, it was completely frivolous. And from a political vantage point, it was a mind-boggling and catastrophic blunder.
With heads shaking in disbelief, global Muslim leaders called on the Sudanese government to show that true Islamic principles of tolerance and mercy do not allow unlawful violence in expressing concern at the publication of insulting cartoons–or at the misperceived actions of a well-meaning teacher named Gillian Gibbons. They urged the immediate release of Gibbons.
Their entreaties prevailed. Earlier this week, after spending eight days in jail, she was pardoned by Sudan’s president, Omar Hassan al-Bashir. She flew home to England on Tuesday.
Meanwhile, the world has had yet another chuckle at the expense of every Ali, Akbar and Ahmad out there.
Let me explain: I call this the “Ali, Akbar and Ahmad” phenomenon, which is comparable to the old adage about “Tom, Dick and Harry.” To put it in proper context, I would say something like, “I am sick and tired of having to answer for every Ali, Akbar and Ahmad who does some idiotic thing around the world.”
But alas, Ali, Akbar and Ahmad always come calling.
If I were given the opportunity, I would fly to the United Kingdom to offer Gillian Gibbons a peace offering. I would express my sadness for her ridiculous ordeal and humbly offer her a teddy bear to put a happy ending on this story.
And that teddy bear’s name would be Muhammad.
Arsalan Iftikhar is an international human rights lawyer and contributing editor for Islamica magazine.
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